1970. Choose a character from a novel or play of recognized literary merit
and write an essay in which you (a) briefly describe the standards of the
fictional society in which the character exists and (b) show how the character
is affected by and responds to those standards. In your essay do not merely
summarize the plot.
Revision from Open Prompt (9/16)
Revision from Open Prompt (9/16)
In “Gentlemen and Players” by Joanne Harris, the story revolves around St.
Oswald’s, a private school for boys. In this society males of wealth with
family backgrounds worth mentioning are held in esteem, the definition of the
privileged class. The distinction between classes is perpetuated through
the establishment of prestigious schools. Even though girls are present
in the wealthy families, it still is the males who take preference, even in 20th
century England. In the still present male dominated society, females of
lower wealth stand little chance for achievement.
The
advantage the elite society has over the poor is present at St. Oswald. The narrator Julia lives on the campus of St.
Oswald with her father who is the janitor.
Julia is rejected by her peers at public school and is chastised for
having a desire to learn and to improve her position in society. Discrimination for being poor and a female furthers
Julia’s quest to be someone else. As a
result Julia trespasses into St. Oswald posing as a male, she still is not
accepted because she isn’t truly what those young boys are. Angered by the
rejection and seemingly by the forces preventing her from overcoming her status
in life, she seeks revenge.
Julia’s response is driven by anger
and hatred for the elite, intending to strike at the heart of St. Oswald. The rejection she faced leads her to murder
pupils and to stage a scandal in which teachers are involved at St.
Oswald. The decisions made by Julia are
a response to the divisions in society and the barriers preventing the upward
movement of the poor. Although her means
to dissolve the upper class are violent, she is making a point that speaks to
all societies, the need for equality in the social system.
You did part A very well in the revision and in the original post. This time you were more specific with how she responded to the rejection: you mentioned that she murdered pupils ( that is a pretty important detail! ) and stage a scandal that involved teachers. The revision answered part B better and really showed that you responded to the feedback you were given the first time.
ReplyDeleteI like the concision! However, I think that you should add a complete conclusion at the end, as your last paragraph seems to add new points and try to act as a conclusion. In my opinion, you should split it into one paragraph with the new points, and another that sums up the whole work. I like how you responded to B more than just focusing on A, as part B seems to be the real analytical part of the essay overall.
ReplyDeleteAgreeing with Sam on the necessity of a conclusion! You really cleaned up your essay well, though. The points are very clear and they connect more obviously to part B of the essay.
ReplyDeleteYour thesis doesn't quite cover what you talk about in your body paragraphs- it covers part A well, but part B is left out. However, you do tie together the two body paragraphs well.
Also, as Sam mentioned again, your response to part B starts to turn into a conclusion. Split it up and it will make the essay flow more easily!